i need to lie in the middle of a field of grass and stare up at the sky to remind myself that you are not the only beautiful thing in the world. i need to listen to songs that are happybeautiful instead of just sadbeautiful. i need to think about whatwillbe instead of whatcouldhavebeen. i need to remember that there were things i wrote about before i met you. i need to drink water and smile and feel the sun on my scalp. i need to wriggle my toes in sand and dirt and clay and remember that the earth will provide for me, even when nothing else does.
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i need to realize that love does not always hurt. i need to gather my wits and my heartstrings and the yarn of my lungs and start putting myself together, because you aren't going to do it. i need to sing along to cheesy songs like 'your body is a wonderland' and 'hey there, delilah'. i need to dance around without music, just to move. i need to stop counting and focus on quality. i need to let my heart lead my fingertips instead of the other way around. i need to stop loving all the little things about you, because if i don't, i won't ever be free.
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i need to find something to believe in again. i need to remind myself that even the most ugly bruises fade. i need to scream and run and tear things apart, because until i begin this process on the outside it will keep eating me up on the inside. i need to let chocolate melt on my tongue instead of biting right into it. i need to watch movies that make me cry and make me laugh and make me yearn. i need to stop being so wrapped up in the fact that you won't ever want me, so i can be open to that boy who will.